What is on my mind today? Christmas…what else? I’m sitting here writing for the first time
in a REALLY long time…Ella got her
journal out because I was introducing journal time to Keegan…with all
the writing going on I thought why not join them?
As Mark
pulled down all our indoor decorations this year my thoughts went to where they
always go. I HATE getting started! Where do I start? I always start on the
tree…but I don’t really like that either.
I’m too short to get near the top without a bar stool so I have to lug
them over to the tree. Those fake
branches scratch my super dry skin and leave me itching, then I have to vacuum
after we are done because it leaves such a mess! I thank God every year that we have a pre-lit
tree cause stringing lights was always something to seriously fight about!
Then
there’s the question of do I let the kids help or not…I’m pretty precise on how
I like MY tree (we do have a kids’ tree upstairs that only the kids decorate so
I don’t feel bad calling it MY tree).
After the panic of how to start went away - which I think is
a defense my body puts off to protect my heart from the sadness of missing my
Nana & Mamaw, both whom loved this holiday more than life and who would
always have their houses decorated to the 9’s & 10’s and after deciding it
would be more fun for my kids if they got to ‘hand’ me the ornaments, I started
“feeling” again. I mean how could I help
it…the Christmas music Mark turned on just took over!
I love
that music can do that in almost any situation in my life. Sunday mornings are a huge music calming
morning for me as we try to get out the door for church!! But
back to Christmas, to this day I can say it still is my most favorite time of
year. I really do love and get into the
decorating after I get started. The
feelings I have now are different when it comes to this time of year only
because I was very close to both of my grandmothers.
There’s
the feeling of excitement almost giddy for my children, even though the stress
of trying to make each Christmas as exciting or a little more exciting from the
ones before gets more complicated…trying to buy gifts for 4 children when you
have NO Christmas money this year was a super duper tough one, but again, God
provided Mark with just enough extra work just in time to provide just
enough! There’s a surprise!
The
feelings of looking ahead and planning as many extra fun events as we can to
make as many memories as we can; Christmas @ the Zoo, Movie nights, Beef’N
Boards Christmas Spectacular, Taste of Christmas (with my neighbors),
Anniversary date of some kind for Mark and I, mailing our Santa letters at the
circle, and much more. This year we've printed out “golden” tickets…one night after watching The Polar Express we plan
to hide these tickets under the kids’ pillows.
Once they get into bed and find them they will then enter the ‘Minivan
Christmas Express’ and we will drive around looking at lights drinking hot
chocolate, listening and singing to Christmas music!! I can’t wait.
But there’s
also deeper feelings I can’t ignore as we come to this time. Feelings of loss and sadness yet they are
quickly followed by hope and the reason I need Jesus and eternity. Going back to my tree as I picked up each
ornament and placed it thoughtfully on a branch I remember and am taken back to
the place I was at when they became part of our lives. As I hang up our gaudy gold and purple
ornaments I’m taken back to our very first 1-bedroom apartment. Just barely two weeks after our wedding
decorating our very first tree together.
I love those silly old ornaments!
Then onto the glittery ones I stayed up all night to grab at
the Black Friday sale at Kmart a few years later when we had a little extra
money to spend on decorations! I didn't have to fight for them but I was SOOOO proud of the price I got them for! I’m proud of those ornaments that glisten so
beautifully in the tree lights.
Then I move to the Santa’s I have only 3 I also had a Mary,
Joseph, & baby Jesus set these were
a shower gift from my Mamaw. It’s funny
cause when I got them I thought wow…how silly…but over the years grew to love
them and last year as I pulled out my manger set and noticed they had been
shattered I was devastated! This year I
teared up when I pulled out my last 3 Santa’s not cause they were silly or
because I didn't have the manger set any more.
No, it was mostly because I was feeling farther and farther away from my
Mamaw. It’s been 3 years now, and it
still hurts me to miss her and think of her.
I hung those up and quickly moved on.
Next up
I placed the ribbon around the tree then the little bows that Ella and I had to
fluff before putting up followed by the huge stupid bow that I made for the top…I
hate it cause it looks silly! But these simple ribbons I bought about 3 years
ago, 95% off at Wal-mart…you know the left over rejected ribbon, but to me they
would change the entire look of my tree which was a major need in our world
because we had just started our unemployment/forced self employment. I packed them up after I bought them, without
even getting to use them that year but I knew that next Christmas I’d at least
have a few new shiny things to put around my tree…something fresh and new just
excited me. When I look at them I am
taken back to that year Mark lost his job then worked his tail off for the next
year and a half. We had no money but I
took $5 to shop for something new to lift our spirits because we felt cold as
if we were stuck in the dark and would be for a long time. That Christmas…we had to get creative and
Mark and I made 90% or all our gifts to our kids; Ella a cool playhouse bed,
Keegan and Grissom a huge train/car table, and a fun puppet show stage that has
been played with SO much! Tears don’t
come to my eyes when I think back to these decorations, just satisfaction and a
since of humility, accomplished humility because our Father God provided and
still provides. I intentionally keep
coming back to this time in our lives I do it so I don’t forget. So I remember just how hard it was but also
because this passed we didn't stay there, we overcame even that. We as humans like to get stuck in our new
hard time and we so easily push away the old hard times because “they weren't as tough as this” but the reality is that life IS hard and it’s important for
us to see what we've come through to encourage us and push us to know that we
CAN come through what we are in the midst of!
Back to
my tree I grabbed my Red Bird with long beautiful curly tail feathers and the
tears just start falling, I’m not screaming and crying my eyes are just leaking
– a lot! It takes me back to why I
bought this one lonely ornament. It is for
my Nana she loved the classic bright red color.
Not really the Nana we had for 10 years, but for the Nana I remember who
made the world turn! As I placed that
bird on the tree I could just feel just how much I missed her and her
Christmas…her cookies, the pine wood fire in the fireplace, the warmth that
came from her home, the smells of amazing home cooking holiday meals that seems
more elaborate around Christmas, her big window that showed the huge colorful
outdoor lights that Papaw hung on the front deck mostly covered with snow. Her tree was pretty, not elaborate but just
simply pretty. Nana had a Hand-made feel
to her Christmas. I also miss going to
their little old church for the mid-night Christmas Eve service…how cool was
that to stay up and start church at mid-night…and to hold real lit candle! That was a highlight!!
Mark hands me the next little bird, my newest
one (I just added this year cause I haven’t been able to find just the right
one)…this one is gold, it too has long tail feathers but they are straight and
very shiny. This one is for my Mamaw. Oh, I wish you could have seen her house
during the season. Talked about deck the
halls, and the family room…the kitchen…even the bedroom and bathrooms! I’m not sure if there were any rooms
untouched by her Christmas decorating!
And her village, oh what a sight to see…it wasn't a village; it was more
like a small city! Her house was
elaborately beautiful! I remember how
breathtaking it was to walk in to see everything for the first time each
season. And the smell of her home, it
was different from Nana’s but the smells were equally pleasurable! They both had wonderful aroma’s that changed
your mood to warm and happy every time. I
giggle now because Jimmy Fallon has a bit on his show all about giving away
Christmas sweaters. 12 days before he
goes on break for the holidays he gives away a Christmas sweater but not just
any they are the craziest silliest ugliest sweaters. They make dun of them and yes they are funny,
but those silly sweaters bring back more memories of my Mamaw and Nana cause
they wore them every Christmas. I even
have a few in my closet…We laughed at them as we decided who got what but no
one was willing to give them away.
Here’s a secret; they still smell like my grandmas!
These
special bird ornaments go to the top of my tree and I’m sure as the years go by
my tears will be more and more as I decorate my tree because I seem to add
something special every few years. I
have Mamaw’s elaborate decorating desire and yet I love the homemade
Christmas…they both have a special place in my heart! My kids may roll their eyes at me as the
tears flow freely from my eyes, but someday they too will have their own tree
and they will decide how to decorate it.
My hope is that they will love their tree not because it’s a tree to
make pretty but because it’s a symbol that celebrates the birth of our Savior,
Jesus Christ, but also that it’s representing the generations before them that
also celebrated this same birth!
Now my
tree and mantel, which is not as sentimental, are decorated and our 6 stocking
are hung, yes I had tears hanging our stocking as well. Only because this Christmas feels complete
with four kids. As I sit on my couch
with all lights off but the tree and the fireplace I breathe a sign of
relief. It’s done…not just the
decorating but more because the romancing is over at least the hard memories
and now I can enjoy my season…I’m not sure if I will be able to do Christmas
after mom and dad take off!
But for now I will sit and praise God for
heaven…it IS real and I can’t wait to be there where there is no pain, hurt, or
sorrow…and the ones I love will be there with me.
It hits
me…Why? I mean I know why we do
Christmas but why do people who have more hurt then I do decide to decorate
year after year seems kind of silly if you think about it. We stuff ourselves with food only to wrap our
homes in a big red bow and call it Christmas.
Why does it have to be SO elaborate?
Then my heart melts at the thought…we as humans go through life day in
and day out some folks love theirs others wish it gone, but life still goes and
goes to some it’s too fast to others it just drags on and on, but none the less
it goes. Christmas is many things to
people first and foremost it IS to celebrate Jesus’ birth which leads us to
celebrate Easter – we don’t celebrate in the same way the world does we
celebrate because of Him and Him alone!
But meanings add to it, such as a time to reminisce and remember, a time
to start over, a time to give or share, but I’m adding a reason this year. As a stay at home mom and a homeschooling mom
my life gets to feel pretty mundane at times.
I have to work hard to make it exciting or adventurous and many times I
fail. To me my life IS rich but I long
for others to look in on me and see the richness I see…sometimes I long for
someone to come whisk me away from it all so I can remember that it is
rich!! So for me, this Christmas I will
focus on my ordinary becoming extraordinary.
That’s what we do isn't it? We take our normal and add
spice…glitter…’fancy’ stuff to make our normal life “NOT so normal” for a time. What a way to end every year…going out with
such Extravagance maybe that’s why we start out the New Year so strong and
ready to run!?!
So
instead of sitting and focusing on the memories I’m choosing to focus on the Extraordinary
that Christmas and Jesus bring to my life…and I will be thankful!
Merry Extraordinary Christmas!!
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